For Everything There is a Season

"In order to write about life, first you must live it." ~ Ernest Hemingway

Category: Facebook

Leaving the “Me” Out of Facebook.

September 17, 2016 / / 0 Comments

Photo Courtesy of Myers Creative Photography

It’s a BEAUTIFUL day here in New England. We woke up to chilly weather in the 40’s and 50’s (love it!) and the high today is supposed to be 70 degrees, with lots of sunshine. Of course today is the day that my body has hit the wall, especially my already messed up ankle. I can’t complain really; I have definitely been active and enjoying my share of nice weather lately. But the second I got up and tried to put weight on my ankle this morning, I knew I was in trouble and would have to stay off it as much as possible today.

Luckily, we have a recently redone, large deck in our backyard. I improvised one of the Adirondack chairs to accommodate the back problems I have been having and I have to say, it is so peaceful and beautiful out here, I don’t even mind anymore that I am restricted on my activities this weekend.

My husband and I have been on the go a lot lately since we got back from vacation on August 26th. Some of it has been fun stuff we’ve had planned for a while and then of course, there is work for my husband, some volunteer work for me. While my Sjögren’s symptoms have been relatively quiet, I have a couple of somewhat significant medical issues going on that I have been trying to push to the background of my life until my specialist appointments, which start this week. I am more than a bit concerned about two of these issues, but it would appear that I have finally gotten a good handle on my health-related anxiety and while the issues remind me every day they are present, I have been able to carry on with my day-to-day life without that sense of impending doom.

In addition, we received some upsetting news within our family about a week after we returned from Ireland. You know, the kind of news that you never see coming until it is actually here. Possibly life changing news, but it is still unfolding, so we deal with it as each day comes. Because it is not my news to share, I will leave it at that, but I would appreciate it if you keep our family in your thoughts and prayers.

Because of all this, I have been looking for some encouragement online, mostly through social media outlets like Facebook. I follow a LOT of  Facebook groups whose mission it is to inspire optimism and all things good and encouraging, which is very necessary for me because lately, there is so much negativity on Facebook regarding politics, athletes protesting during the national anthem, racism, etc. My brain can only process so much of that stuff and it seems like since we got back from Ireland, my tolerance for the negativity, arguing, and bullshit on social media has dropped significantly. I do think these issues are important, VERY important actually, but I just don’t see much good coming from all these posts, even the ones that I put out there in the world. I guess I am more of a believer in action rather than reaction and to me, action is best done out in the real world, rather than on social media.

However, over the past few days, as I have been looking for some inspiration and encouragement, it dawned on me that I am finding the most inspiration from many of my Facebook friends and some of the updates they have been posting. You guys, I am surrounded by some very strong people-some I have known my whole life, some of whom are newer in my life, and some I only know through the online world. There are all these little, and sometimes big, acts of heroism going on each and every day.

Then I got to thinking, what if I changed the way I use my personal Facebook page for a while? Personal meaning my own private account, and not my blog one. What if instead of taking about myself and MY life, I talk about all these amazing, strong people that exist around me and talk about some of the awesome things they do in THEIR lives…the things that they do and write that inspire me?

So that is what I have decided to do. I have decided that for a while, instead of talking about myself, I am going to focus on other people. The only exception will be the two photo albums I have left of Ireland to post.

Each day, my status update will be about somebody who inspires, motivates, or touches my life in some way. I won’t be able to do this for everybody that positively affects my life because not all of them are on Facebook and just as importantly, some of them are very private with their personal lives and don’t want to be discussed on Facebook. So, I will try to honor and respect that. I plan on only sharing details that people themselves share on Facebook. And sometimes, I probably won’t share any details at all. I also have intentionally decided not to do this on my Thoughts and Ramblings blog page because that page is public, whereas my personal one is more private.

I am curious to see how this little experiment goes and if it changes anything for me personally. If it does, I will report back to you. Because let’s face it,social media can definitely become an “all about me” kind of place for all of us. It’s important to take care of ourselves,work on becoming a better person, and all of that stuff, but what would happen if we all spent some more time on other people? It could just make the world a better, more loving, place.

Comparison is the Thief of Joy

May 27, 2016 / / 0 Comments

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” ~ Theodore Roosevelt

I have a confession to make.

I have Facebook envy.

Not over things like people getting married, having babies, etc. I’m good with all the happy events and I will be the first person commenting on your joys. And, your sorrows. No, this is more about the evil jealousy monster that pops up when Facebook world seems so much easier than my world. “Seems” being the operative word here.

Sometimes it is bad, like when I am having a tough time physically and not able to get out of the house much. I open up that Facebook newsfeed, start scrolling, and my mind is assaulted of image after image of people getting together, having fun, and making memories. Many times, I am fine with it all. But then there are other times when it is just plain hard. It’s those times that I have to remember that the grass is not always greener and even if it is, who cares??

To be honest, I am guilty of excessive sharing, of what I am doing, on Facebook; which made me sit down and think about my motives in doing that. Why do I post that I am out having fun with my husband? Why do I feel the need to “check-in”? I cannot speak for anyone else, but for me personally, when I post stuff like that, it’s all about sharing my happiness with those who are important to me. I don’t collect Facebook friends; people who are on my page are people I genuinely care about, want to stay in touch with, and/or want to truly get to know better. The two people that come to my mind right away are my mother and brother. They see me struggle so much and are always supporting me. I know for a fact that they like to see when I am happy and/or doing well.

I have seen people post on Facebook, myself included, about how one cannot get a true picture of another person’s life just from reading a person’s Facebook page. I agree with that to a point, but the reality is, many people just post the happy highlights of their life. They don’t go deeper and allow us to know the unsavory or tough parts of their lives. Sure, everybody has a right to post what they want, but I try very hard to be as authentic as possible on Facebook.

So why the envy on my part? Well, like I said, some of it is based on the fact that I want to be able to be out in the world and because of my physical limitations, I often cannot do that. And, that can be very hard for me. It’s not other people’s fault, or even their problem. It’s just how it is. One of the solutions to this would probably be to spend less time on Facebook.

Then there is also insecurity and that nagging feeling I keep working on eliminating from my life. You know the one: it says “you are not good enough” or “you’re too much work.”

In addition to that, I struggle at times with feeling left out. I’m embarrassed to admit that, because it shows a vulnerable side of me that I am not always as comfortable with as I’d like to be. Feeling left out does make me sit back and think about if I have been inclusive when the tables are turned. The answer is always yes, to the best of my ability anyways. So then the question comes up for me, is it me? Is there something I am lacking in my personality? Is it the fact that because of my health, I am not always reliable? I honestly don’t know the answer to those questions, but I AM beginning to realize that it doesn’t matter. My goal as a human being should not be to worry about what people think of me or whether they like me. My goal should be to just be an authentic person doing the best she can in this world.

The funny part about all this is, when somebody talks to me off of Facebook, either in person, by text, e-mail, etc., about what they have been doing in life and the fun they may be having, I am genuinely happy for them, even on my very worst days. I don’t have “in person jealousy”. I never have. So what is it about Facebook that elicits that response in me when it is the complete opposite off of Facebook? I will get back to you guys when I figure that one out!

This week, I had a Facebook exchange with a friend of mine about a chronic illness blog entry I posted, not one of mine. A couple of things we both said stood up to me, even twenty-four hours later. I had mentioned to her that oftentimes, people are clueless about what people with chronic illness go through on a day-to-day basis and what our limitations are, especially socially. It wasn’t intended as a crass statement, just a fact. I know for me, there are maybe two or three people, who do not have a chronic illness, that get what I go through every day…not because other people don’t care (some don’t, but most do), but because they are not living my experience. The two or three people who do get it are around me enough to see the struggle and trust me, they know it’s real!

That all being said, after the exchange with my friend, it made me realize that it works both ways. Yes, most people don’t “get it”. But oftentimes, I don’t get them either. For example, I have no idea what it is like, as a woman, to work full-time and raise children. I can appreciate the struggle of that, but I can never truly “get it” because I’ve never lived it. The same holds true for for military spouses. I cannot even begin to imagine what it is like to have my spouse serving overseas and seeing them so infrequently, while keeping the household and rest of the family together. I can listen and support, but I cannot truly understand.

My friend mentioned in our exchange about how, as people with chronic illness, our lives are so different than our friends or family member. She’s right. What is important to us may not be important to them. Something that they might struggle with may be totally out of the realm of possibility for us. But I guess that is the point I am trying to make. It doesn’t have to be us vs. them. Sometimes people don’t want to make the effort to understand a person with a chronic illness. And sometimes we are just too damn tired to make an effort to understand them. But, amazing things can happen when we make an attempt to meet somewhere in the middle. Compassion goes a long way to mutual understanding.

One of the best things a friend ever said to me was this: “I don’t understand what you go through day to day, but I’m sure it’s hard. I’m here.” That’s it. That simple. Can you imagine what it would be like if we ALL said that to our friends and family?

Despite all this writing, my message is simple: don’t compare yourself to others.

You are on this earth for a reason.
You are a miracle.
Shine bright.

The Power of Facebook

January 9, 2012 / / 10 Comments
I have read a lot of articles lately about the hazards of Facebook. These articles have talked about how teens, and also adults, can bully each other through the use of this social media giant. The articles also mentioned how many people get so consumed by checking status updates, notifications, and playing games on Facebook that the other aspects of their lives suffer. Facebook has also been blamed for less face to face interactions between people which results in social isolation. I don’t disagree with any of these claims as I have witnessed all of these pitfalls of Facebook. But I would like to present another view about Facebook that many people I know never get to experience.

When you have a chronic illness, social medias like Facebook can be your saving grace. Since I started battling Sjogren’s Syndrome, Facebook has been an enormous wealth of information and support for me. To start with, there are a vast amount of pages and groups that discuss various topics, which is helpful when you are trying to access information about such a poorly understood illness like Sjogren’s Syndrome. These pages and groups provide a diverse selection of information regarding subjects such as nutrition, alternative health, wellness, exercise, and positive inspiration.

One of the most significant of these Facebook pages and groups is one I follow on a daily basis called the Sjogren’s Syndrome Foundation page. It is a place where patients, and others, can discuss different ways to manage symptoms and what treatments they find useful or not useful. It is a place where we can vent our frustrations to people who truly understand what we are going through. I have had the opportunity to receive some very good advice and tips from this page as well as the opportunity to help others; something that is so critical when you are out of work as a nurse and miss having the capability to give back to other people on a daily basis.

I have also had the chance to get and know some of the wonderful people on the Sjogren’s Syndrome Facebook page on a more personal basis through e-mails and online conversations. They have become a valuable part of my journey through this illness. Because of them, I have learned about the power of sharing my story and of hearing other people’s stories.

One of the stories that I have been blessed to start hearing lately is in part due to Facebook. A while back I sent a friend request to someone in my church. This person spent some time reading my blog, which I post on Facebook regularly. She realized that I had Sjogren’s Syndrome. She also has a friend, who lives in our small town, that has Sjogren’s as well. This friend and I have now had the opportunity to connect through e-mail messages. According to statistics, Sjogren’s is not that uncommon as it affects four million people in this country. However the reality is that it is an illness that most people have never heard of and is very poorly understood, even amongst the medical community. Therefore it would seem amazing that two of us have found each other in this relatively small town. It is quite a blessing as well.

Another aspect of Facebook that I have found invaluable is the easy access it has given me to my friends and family, as well as to the world in general. It is very easy to become isolated when you are living by yourself, which I did for almost two years before moving in with my fiancee; or when are suddenly out of work. You never realize how much your work life provides you with social interaction until you find yourself jobless. Between managing my health, my home, and other day to day needs, I never find myself bored, but it can be challenging to keep connected with the world from your home when most of the rest of the world is at work.

Also during the course of my illness, I have had difficulties with my voice and breathing which has made communication on the phone not a viable option at times. Issues with mobility, pain, and fatigue oftentimes makes leaving the house impossible. Facebook provides me the opportunity to be a part of our daily world when my body does not want to. For me, Facebook has not caused social isolation as is so frequently stated in these articles I have mentioned; it has freed me from it.

So despite the fact that Facebook often drives me bonkers with all of its constant updates and changes, not to mention the ongoing privacy issues, I say “thank you” to Mark Zuckerberg for his ingenuity in the creation of this social media giant. Thank you for giving me, and so many others, the opportunity to support each other and enable us to be more informed and educated patients.

Photo: Courtesy of Google Images       

Friendship

May 7, 2010 / / 0 Comments

“In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.”
~ Albert Schweitzer
This is one of the most perfect quotations on friendships I have ever read. I have to admit, my inner fire is sparked…actually it has burst into flames just like good old Mr. Schweitzer has said. I have been toying with the idea about blogging on friendships, but I have been hesitating because I feel like no matter what I write, I will not do those friendships their due justice. So instead of trying to do them justice, I am going to speak from the heart (that seems to work for me!)
I had a conversation with my friend Kate about a month or so back and a comment she made profoundly affected me. I don’t even think she realizes how much! We were waiting for her kids to come out of school and she just turned to me and said how lucky I was because I had such great friends, really great friends. She had heard me talk about this friend or another helping me out with this or that and had seen many exchanges on Facebook (my friends on Facebook are actually people I know in real life!) It kind of caught me off guard because even though I knew that, it was startling to hear someone else say it with such conviction. We also got to talking about toxic friendships versus friendships that are nurturing and sustaining. It really got me to thinking about how different my life has become over the past two years because of how my friendships have evolved.
Friendships of course come to us during all different phases of our lives and because of different experiences. I have friends whom I have known for 22+ years… friends who started out as a “work friend” and became a lifelong friend… friends who I didn’t think I had anything in common with and now am blessed to call them a soulmate… friends who I have reconnected with after years and years apart (oftentimes through Facebook!) only to find out that we are more connected now than ever…friends who are also family members…friends who have been romantic partners and then just friends again, discovering that it is the friendship that is truly special. No matter where they came from or how our friendship has evolved, they sustain me.
I think oftentimes when people go through different crises in life, they get more of a sense of what is really important to them. I know I did. I had always held my friendships in high regard but now looking back, I don’t think I always gave them the proper attention and nourishment they needed. This isn’t meant to sound as a harsh criticism of myself, just a reality check. In some ways, it was unavoidable because of certain negative life circumstances but at some point, we have to take responsibility for these negative life circumstances (i.e. unhealthy marriages, stressful jobs, etc.) and decide what kind of life we really want for ourselves. During the period that I was divorcing my ex-husband, selling my house, trying to deal with failing health and losing a job, it struck me how much my friends rallied around me. It was overwhelming. I could be broke, jobless and sick but when you are loved for who you are, that is one of life’s greatest glories.
My friend Kate was so right in what she said. I have been incredibly blessed with the people that I call my friends. One of the lessons I have learned along the way from them is how to be a better friend. See, because they inspire me. You know how it is said that you can pick your friends but not your family? Well, I have picked wisely. By the way, that is not an insult to my family!! I love them dearly. I like them a lot too! I just haven’t always picked wisely (previously) in the friend department. I don’t want that to sound arrogant or spiteful. It just means that although no one (including myself) is perfect, life is too short to always spend it in conflict or negativity. It is important to find friends who nourish us and enrich our lives. I have to admit, my current life circumstances allow for me to spend more time with friends than the average person when I am physically able to. I don’t have children to look after (just a crazy dog) and work is not currently an issue. Not a day goes by that I am not well aware of this and I see it as a blessing that I get time to experience these relationships more fully. However that being said, these same friends that I have DO have families, careers, and other obligations that they have to juggle along with their friendships.
How have my friends inspired me? They inspire me by living their lives with purpose and conviction. They support me at times when I have nothing left to give them back in return. They hold me up when life just gets to be too much. They forgive me when I am selfish. They have reconnected with me when I have dropped out of their lives. They listen endlessly and problem solve with me. They put up with my incessant babbling about the love of my life-my dog. They show up with groceries and supplies when I am too sick to do it myself so that I can live independently. And of course, they make me laugh…they always make me laugh! They inspire me by example. They have taught me to forgive more easily, trust more readily, and live more fully. In essence, they rekindle my inner spirit….

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