"In order to write about life, first you must live it." ~ Ernest Hemingway

Category: running (Page 1 of 2)

Tarsal Tunnel and Plantar Fasciitis

I have to say, I REALLY wish I wasn’t writing this post right now. But, I am, so I am going to suck it up and share my experience with you in the hope that maybe someone can benefit from it, or that you can provide information in the comments section that may be beneficial to myself or another reader.

As I have posted previously, I began running last October. Since then, running, training for races, and improving my physical strength has become a godsend to me in terms of managing stress and in actually improving my Sjögren’s symptoms. Yes, you read that right: running has improved my Sjögren’s symptoms. From some of the research I have read regarding increasing endorphin levels (think low-dose naltrexone), I believe it is the endorphins and other feel good hormones that I get from running which has accomplished this. My chronically arthritic knees have IMPROVED and I no longer experience inflammatory joint pain in my knees, ever. Not even when other joints flare up. I don’t think that is a coincidence and have read about how running, when done correctly, has improved arthritis in some individuals.

Sometime around the end of May, I noticed that I was having pain in both my heels, not so much when I was running, but with walking and standing. I ignored it for a week or two, despite it being a new symptom. However, the pain continued to worsen and I decided to cut back my running and did not sign up for any summer races. This worked out OK for me because running in the summer is too difficult for me with the heat, sun, and Sjögren’s. I was still running about twice a week, usually on the treadmill in the air conditioned gym or early in the morning.

Within a few weeks, I decided to stop running for about four weeks as I was concerned about the worsening pain and despite stretching and ice, it continued to not improve. I talked to my rheumatologist in July as I was concerned about how painful it was to even walk and I was also have some swelling and pain in other joints, specifically my hands and shoulders. I knew my diet had been lousy and i was under a lot of stress at that time, so I wanted to try and got those issues in check before resorting to medication. My rheumatologist wanted me back on a low dose of prednisone. I never started it because again, I wanted to see if I could manage my symptoms with other means. I have already begun to have minor steroid-induced long-term effects and although this was a low dose, I wanted to try and resolve the issues without the prednisone.

And I did. Except for the feet issue. I was on a different combination of herbs, I worked on my stress, and completely cleaned up my diet and my hand and shoulder issues resolved. My fatigue even improved. But the feet kept getting worse. I had told my doctor and her fellow that this was a new symptom for me and I was concerned about it. Something just didn’t feel right. Being told to just go back on prednisone didn’t seem like the right way to find out what the problem was.

I decided to consult with a podiatrist and was very grateful to have several friends recommend a local podiatrist, Dr. Tammie Black. It was going to be a while until my appointment, but I figured I would tough it out until then. I tried not to pay too much attention to the pain. I tried running again, but shorter distances and paid more attention to cross training to reduce the impact on my feet. That lasted a week. I then started experiencing numbness and tingling in both my feet on a daily basis. I called the podiatrist again. She had a cancellation and I got in a month sooner than I was supposed to.

Well, thank god for that!

This doctor was great. She did some xrays (which I had previously asked for from another doctor and never got) and checked me out. I told her all the things I was doing to manage my symptoms. After a full evaluation, she told me I had severe plantar fasciitis and tarsal tunnel. I have had plantar fasciitis once before in one foot and it did not really feel like the symptoms I was having, but after she explained to me how having both can work, I could see that she seemed right on with her diagnosis.

I was already wearing orthotics in my sneakers but the problem was, I only wore my sneakers for exercise and walking distances, like when on vacation. Also, I ALWAYS go barefoot in the house and as much as I can outdoors, which contributes quite a bit to the problem. She instructed me to always wear my sneakers or get a pair of shoes called Vionic, which have arch support built into them. I just ordered a pair today and cannot wait to try them out because I have found in the past several days that wearing my sneakers all the time, while helping initially, seems to be making the nerve pain on the inside of my heel much worse. She also gave me two exercises to start on and I start physical therapy in a few days.

Since I’ve had plantar fasciitis, I was already familiar with it, but not with tarsal tunnel, The doctor explained to me that it is similar to carpel tunnel, but in the feet. It is even more difficult than carpel tunnel to effectively treat. She is hoping that if we get the plantar fasciitis under control, that the tarsal tunnel will improve, but time will tell. I asked her about the prednisone my rheumatologist wanted me to take and she said that prednisone would only mask the issues and that as long as I don’t need it for my other Sjögren’s symtpoms, that it would be better for now to wait on it.

Of course, we don’t know for sure what has caused all of this. I figured the running may have something to do with it, but then I found out that autoimmune illness can as well. Sjögren’s syndrome being one of them. As stated in an article entitled Neurological Manifestations of Sjögren’s Syndrome by Dr. Stephen Mandel which you can read HERE, tarsal tunnel is a mononeuropathy that can occur with this illness. It can also occur in rheumatoid arthritis. But at this point, the bigger issue is not how it happened, but taking care of it now that it has happened.

It’s frustrating that’s for sure. My doctor made it very clear to me that even though she appreciates how much running means to me, if I want to get better (and not worse), running needs to be stopped. So much for the fall races I have planned. But I know she’s right. My husband and I were away for two days after my appointment and I cannot even tell you how difficult it was for me to walk or stand the time we were away. Pain and numbness were my constant companion. At the gym Friday morning, I went on the Arc Trainer and elliptical, as those have both proven invaluable to my exercise regime when my joints act up. But, the pressure on my feet was too much as was the resistance on the bike. So tomorrow I am going to try and do a water aerobics class because if I stop exercising completely, my joints and muscles will all go haywire.

It seems like, and I’m sure anyone who reads this blog regularly would agree, that it seems like it’s always something with me when it comes to my physical health, most of which can be attributed to this unrelenting autoimmune illness. But, like all the challenges I have faced, it is just one more obstacle to overcome and conquer…hopefully!

2014 Boston’s Run To Remember

I am getting my stuff together for tomorrow morning’s 5K race, and it dawned on me that I never did a race report from our big weekend last week. I kept meaning to, but it was a hectic week as our kitchen is in the process of being remodeled, we are trying to get ready for a graduation party next weekend, and I was feeling lousy and ended up being treated for a sinus infection. Craziness!

So last weekend was something my husband and I had been looking forward to since last year. I found out about the 2014 Boston’s Run To Remember,which is a race held every year in honor of fallen law enforcement officers, when searching for races on the internet. The proceeds from the run go to a charity and this year monies were being given to youth programs in Boston. There were two events, the half-marathon and the 5 miler. We decided to do the 5-miler because at this point, that would be my second longest distance ever run.

Because the event fell the weekend after our anniversary and we live almost two hours away, we decided to reserve a room at the Park Plaza in Boston for the night and go to one of my favorite restaurants, The Barking Crab, for dinner on Saturday, as the race was on Sunday. We left for Boston Saturday morning and stopped at Castle Island in South Boston. It’s a neat place. There is a fort and a walking trail (HarborWalk I think it is called), as well as a park. My favorite thing to do there was stand on the edge of the harbor and watch the planes fly in and out of Logan Airport.

We checked into our hotel and decided to walk the 1.8 miles to the Seaport World Trade Center which is where the race expo was being held. I am not sure how much I mention this on my blog, but I am obsessively in love with Boston; always have been and always will be. My dream is to someday rent/own a condo in Bay Village and live there for at least a year. That is why we walked to the World Trade Center, instead of taking the subway. It was a beautiful day and the walk brought us through several different neighborhoods in Boston.

I had not been to the Seaport district before, despite our many trips to the city and I loved it. Anytime you can stand in a city and smell the ocean, it’s all good by me! This was our first running/fitness expo and I was pretty psyched for it. There were a lot of different products and I was excited to see my favorite headband company, Bondi Bands, selling their stuff. We also left there with some new chia energy bars and a pair of running sunglasses that I have been looking for. I enjoyed the different displays they had up listing the names of all the fallen officers in the entire state of Massachusetts, as that was the real reason we were there. We also picked up our bib numbers, race packet, and t-shirts. I have heard other people say that as far as running expos go, it wasn’t the best, or the biggest, but I have nothing to compare it to, so it was fun for me.

We then made our way next door to the restaurant, Whiskey Priest, and enjoyed a drink on their outside deck, overlooking the harbor. Then we walked back to our hotel. Of course by this point, I realized that my feet hurt from walking about five miles that day, which I said I was NOT going to do and by the time we were ready to leave for dinner at the Barking Crab, I could barely walk. Did I mention that I was supposed to run five miles that next morning?!? So, a cab it was! Dinner was great, as expected, and then back to the hotel we went.

The race was scheduled to start at 7am the next morning. Because of increased security measures and screening due to the Boston Marathon bombing last year, we decided to leave the hotel at 5:30am, which meant a wake-up call for me at 4:30am in order to get all my morning medical stuff done and so I could do some trigger release work on my legs before the race. We took a cab to the World Trade Center because the subway’s red line did not run that early on Sundays and we thought it best not to walk there. We did get there much too early (5:45am) and we breezed right through security. I think for next year, getting there for 6-6:15am will suffice, as that was right before the crowds started rolling in.

This was a big race for us, the biggest crowd we have run with: between 12-13,000 runners for both the half and the 5 miler. It was a younger running crowd  in general and a lot of fit looking and thin runners. I mention this because I am still a bit self-conscious about racing as an overweight runner. I definitely do not have a typical runner’s body, but lately when I start dwelling on this fact, I just keep reminding myself that I used to be 60 lbs. heavier and because of my illness, could barely leave the house most days, or even the couch. That seems to do the trick!

We started at the back of the pack which honestly ticked off my husband a little bit. He wanted to be more in the middle, because he wanted us to fully experience the crowd and he thought it would be a better experience. But I know that I am a slower runner and it is easier for me mentally to be towards the back so that I don’t feel pressured by people constantly passing me. One of my biggest race mistakes has been starting off too fast and then struggling to finish. This had to be my way in order for us to succeed.

Before the gun went off, the National Anthem was sung and Amazing Grace was played on the bagpipes in tribute to those who have died in the line of duty. It was very touching and also amazing because I have never been anywhere with 12,000+ people who have all of a sudden fallen completely silent. It was a moment I won’t forget.

We started off on our way and I have to say, it was utterly amazing. You start off on Seaport Blvd. headed towards downtown. I love the Boston skyline and here I was me, Christine Molloy, RUNNING into the Boston skyline!. So surreal. I made sure we started our pace off slow and did my typical run/walk combination. I had stopped using a timer to do run/walk intervals about a month or two ago and instead, started listening to my body. This seems to be working well for me.

The course then took us through Post Office Square, Faneuil Hall, Government Center, Charles Street, Beacon Hill, Boston Common and the Public Gardens, Chinatown, Financial District, and then back to Seaport Blvd. That was for the 5 miler. The half marathon runners separated from us at about Mile 2.5 and headed towards Storrow Drive.

I thoroughly enjoyed this race course. It helped that the weather was cooler and there was no sun, which for me and my autoimmune stuff, is a really good thing. The course was relatively flat, with about four hills. They were decent hills, but very manageable and most importantly, short! It was the coolest thing for me running through these various neighborhoods, while hearing all the spectators cheering us on. My husband ran with me and to be honest, that did help push me harder when all I wanted to do was collapse. Our goal was to finish the five miles in 1:15:00, so one hour and fifteen minutes. In this race my biggest challenge was not my muscles and joints, but rather my breathing. Allergy season has hit me harder this year than like none before, so that was a bit tough, but persevere we did!

This race was also a very well run and organized one, There were a ton of volunteers and plenty of water/Gatorade stops along the route and I was grateful for that. The course was clearly mapped out along the way and there was a ton of encouragement among the runners and spectators.

I started to really struggle around Mile 4, but I knew we were going to be turning the corner back onto Seaport Blvd. very shortly. The crowds grew bigger and I was determined to make sure I walked less and ran more. I knew we were definitely not last as there were quite a few runners behind us and I pushed harder because I always like to finish strong. By this point I was doing some running with my hands lifted up and locked behind my head because my husband said that it would help me to expand my lungs more, which it did. The great thing about races is that I have found that people cheer MORE for those towards the back, because they know it is probably harder for them.

Thank you to every single spectator that cheered for us. It made such a difference!

Then, I saw it.

A medal.

One of the runners who had already finished was wearing a medal!

And then I saw another. I didn’t realize that they were giving out finisher medal for this race. My husband and I always joke about how it will take forever for me to earn a finisher medal because in New England, they only seem to give them out for half and full marathons, unless you are a winner. And I knew it was going to take me a while, if ever, to run a half marathon.

As we ran the home stretch, I pushed even harder to earn my medal. We approached the finish line clock and I saw the time….

1:14:30.

Oh my God, we were so close to meeting our goal, there was no way we could miss it! So what’s a girl to do? Start sprinting of course…all 190 lbs. of me. Sprinting like it was nobody’s business and like I was a Kenyan runner. So did we make it?!?

Yes! Right before the clock hit 1:15:00.

Except as has happened before, I forgot one thing…

We had started in the back. Which meant that we started approximately five minutes away from the start line and actually had a better time than 1:15:00!

Official time: 1:09:48. It was the first race I have ever run a pace under a 14-15 minute mile. Race pace was 13:58 minute mile. I placed 255/274 in my age group and 175 people finished after us. A great improvement from my first race (5K) on Jan. 1st when we came in last.

After we crossed the finish line, we walked down the chute towards the water, snacks, and medals. I was bawling like a baby…quite unexpectedly actually. I was trying to make myself stop so all the medics staring at me wouldn’t think something was physically wrong, but I just couldn’t help it. The only other time I had cried after a race was when I teared up a bit after my very first race Jan. 1st; but nothing like this. I was just so overwhelmed with emotion from the morning.

I pulled it together, but of course started again when the volunteer put the medal around my neck. Yes, it was a finisher medal and not an award medal, but I didn’t care. I have been training and working so hard on this. The same woman who two years ago, was partially paralyzed from Guillain-Barre, and the same woman who has fought overwhelming physical obstacles to get to this place and this moment in time. That medal signified the overcoming of every ache, pain, and obstacle I have had in the past several years.

It was my tangible representation of perseverence and courage.
It was my “to hell with you Sjögren’s” medal.
Now, it will be my constant visual reminder of exactly what I am capable of.


Crossing the Finish Line

This past Saturday was an event I have been preparing for over the past five and a half months, since I started running last October: the Holyoke St. Patrick’s Road Race. 6.2 miles. 2 1/2 miles of it uphill. And, they are big hills!

This is a bit of a race report mixed with my observations on what it is like to do this type of event. I don’t know the specifics of how large other races are, but this particular race had a lot of people, reportedly over 7,000 runners. Somewhat intimidating to me. As I have mentioned in a previous blog entry, my husband was running the race by himself and my friend, Heather, and I were running together. It was such an incredible experience that it has taken me a few days to get my thoughts together before I write them down.

The City of Holyoke, Massachusetts takes St. Patrick’s Day seriously. The parade, which is the day after the road race, is one of the biggest in the country, maybe even the biggest. So of course, the road race is a big deal as well. People dress up in green clothes, costumes, and all kinds of other garb for the event. We were no exception. That is the reason I have pushed so hard, as a new runner, to try and get myself ready for this year’s race, rather than waiting a whole year to compete. The race is just fun. While I have been training consistently, I knew another year might have made a big difference in the difficulty of running this race for me. However being as inpatient as I can be, and honestly, none of us knows what can happen in another year, I knew I had to attempt the race this year.

We got to the race area pretty early because of the high volume of traffic and people who were expected to be in attendance. Because for as many runners as there were (there was also a walk), there was probably just as many spectators lining the streets. After about two plus hours of waiting, stretching, and waiting some more, my husband went to his starting line up position and Heather and I went to ours, in the very back. This year, the race was starting in waves and we were going to be the last group, besides the walkers, to depart from the starting line. There was definitely a feeling of excitement as we heard the gun go off, indicating that the first wave of runners was on the move.

Heather and I had a plan to start the race walking for a few minutes, mostly because at my last race, I panicked and started off much too fast, causing me to have a difficult time. The other part of our plan, since we are run/walkers, was to speed walk the hills and run as much of the rest as possible. As we started off across the start line, I was shocked by the amount of people lining the barricades, rows and rows deep. I started to get a little panicky having all these people watching me.

After a very brief walk, we did start running. I tried to not be too conscious about how far back we were. I just kept reminding myself that pacing myself was the key to us crossing the finish line. However, it was hard to ignore the ambulance that was very closely trailing behind us. Being someone who has so many medical struggles and has recently spent time in an ambulance, I found this a bit disconcerting. I just kept reminding myself, “pace yourself”, pace yourself.”

Since Heather and I have been training together for months, we have developed a good pattern of communication while running and I think that really paid off during the race. There were points where she was struggling more than me and other points, especially towards the end, where I was struggling more. But overall, we stuck with the plan and mile by mile, I realized that we were absolutely going to finish, and likely at a faster time than we thought. According to my running watch, we were averaging about a fifteen-seventeen minute/mile walk and about a twelve-fourteen minute/mile run. I had thought that if we finished the race in 1:40-1:45, I would be happy. Anything under that would be an even bigger accomplishment. By my calculations, we had a shot at finishing at about 1:30. We had discussed during one of our training runs that 1:30 would be the icing on the cake, so to speak.

The experience of this race is one that I will never forget. It definitely had its challenges: leg issues for Heather, a previous injury for me, nausea after my first water stop when I tried to drink water, and WAY too many hills! That all being said, overall, it wasn’t quite as difficult as my first race on New Year’s because I had more months of running behind me and the temperature was at least  thirty degrees warmer. My family turned out to cheer us on at two different spots along the race course and it is still amazing to me how many complete strangers cheered us on along the way. I’m not talking about cheering statements like “keep going”, but rather comments like: ” you can do this….you’re almost there…you SO got this…last hill.” Comments that actually spurred us on when things got tough. There were people on their front lawns playing bagpipes, Irish music being blasted from people’s homes, and LOTS of clapping and yelling. The kinds of things you need when doing your first 10K race.

The three of us did finish the race. My husband came in at just under an hour (59:57) which was fantastic for his first 10K. When Heather and I turned the last corner to head towards the finish line, it was all I could do to keep moving and not only was I moving, but I was running. I made a promise to myself when I started running, that I would NEVER walk across a finish line. No matter how difficult running is for me or how tough a race is, I would always run my last quarter mile. I would always be a strong finisher.

It felt quite surreal when Heather pointed out how close we were to the finish line. As we got closer, we heard the announcer say our names on the loudspeaker.That is the advantage to finishing towards the end of a race, we heard our names announced because we weren’t in a pack with a bunch of another people…it was just her and I. Usually the only time my name is ever announced, I am in a medical appointment waiting room. This was a nice change of pace!

Right before we crossed, I looked up at the time: 1:40. I was slightly disappointed, although I shouldn’t have been. But I did think we had done a little better than that. It didn’t matter though. We had finished. I, a person with a life-altering chronic illness, had accomplished something that I never before thought possible, even when I was healthier.

The three us spent some time in Holyoke rewarding ourselves with some hard-earned beers (not the gluten-free variety, either) and during that time, I got a text message. The company that monitored the race, Racewire, texts your time after the race. I never even knew that was going to happen. And then, a sudden realization hit when as I was reading the text. Our 1:40 time on the finish line screen did not account for the fact that we were in the last wave of runners to start, delaying us by about ten minutes. Our actual finish time was 1:30:56! We did achieve what I previously thought was unattainable. Was a 1:30 finish time a remarkable feat in the world of competitive racing? Not by any means and I know that. But that doesn’t change the fact that for us, it was truly a remarkable feat.

The aftermath of running the 10K has been difficult for me; a lot of it has been ignorance and neglect on my part in post-race recovery. More of it has been my usual daily physical struggles exacerbated by putting my body through an unusual physical challenge. And finally, part of it has been a nagging leg injury that is totally ticked off at me for running all those miles. But as uncomfortable as I am, it still doesn’t feel as bad as my worse day as a Sjögren’s patient because mentally, I am stronger and I feel like I have accomplished something that I was never supposed to do.

My only question now is: when is the next race?

The Power of Running

I just finished my last training run in preparation for a race that I am running (I do a run/walk combination) in four days. The race is a 10k event (6.2 miles) and is the second race I am going to be competing in since I started running five and a half months ago. The first one was a 5k (3.1 miles) on New Year’s and since then, I have been training for Saturday’s race with my friend, Heather. My husband is also going to be running that day, albeit at a much faster pace than Heather and I.

This race is a big deal for me. Two and a half miles of it is uphill and honestly, I have never even ran 6.2 miles in my whole entire life. I have done three miles…four miles….and a one-time five miler, but never more than that. But, I have been consistent with my runs and since I am still dealing with some type of upper leg injury that has yet to be resolved, that is a major accomplishment. Actually, it is a major accomplishment that I can even run at all considering the physical obstacles I have endured and worked through over the past several years. I cannot lie though, I am a little scared. Scared of how my body is going to react to pushing it further than it is probably ready for.

I have been wondering lately how the heck I got here; what fuels me to want to do this running thing week after week. I know a big part of it is the endorphins and how good they make me feel. When I started a new job recently, I took almost a week off from running to try and manage the overwhelming fatigue I was having from going back to work after five years at home and you know what? I missed it, a lot. Running has become my primary way to deal with stress. A much healthier way than eating my way through stress.

So many other aspects of my physical self have improved over the past few months. A few nights ago, I went to scratch an itch on the back of my leg and when I touched my leg, I felt what I thought was swelling. Because of the Sjögren’s, I get all types of weird things that pop up here and there and I am very in tune to any changes in my body. Well, apparently not that in tune because as I felt my leg more thoroughly, I realized what a fool I was. My leg was not swollen or messed up from autoimmune issues…. I had developed some serious MUSCLES in my legs. It still amazes me when I look at my legs. They don’t look like mine at all anymore.

My cardiovascular status has improved significantly. My knees no longer hurt at all when I run and when I first started running, my knees hurt so bad, I didn’t think I would be able to continue running. My asthma has remained stable and despite the fact that I am on the lowest dose of prednisone I have been on in six months, I can run/walk three miles in less than fifty minutes. Not a world record breaker by any means, but a success nonetheless.

I realized something this afternoon though. It was one of those breakthrough moments as I was driving home from our training run. I was crying in the car because of this realization. Aside from all the physical benefits that becoming a runner has given me, I have figured out the one major reason why I love running so much, despite all my constant complaints to my husband about how much I hurt sometimes:

Running makes me feel powerful.

RUNNING MAKES ME FEEL POWERFUL!

When I run, I am not a patient. I am not an illness.

When I run, it is me and my body battling itself, and I always win. Some days more so than others. But the fact that I get off the couch and go, that is me winning.

When I run, I do not feel like the fat girl who was teased in gym class for being so slow and awkward. I feel the strength in my legs and the air racing in and out of my lungs. I am not the awkward fat girl. I am a runner.

When I run, I hear the soothing rhythm of my feet striking the ground.
The sound of power.

Running makes me feel powerful because I am doing what I was told I would never do. It is me defying the odds and refusing to let my illness or my own mind beat me. It does not matter if I am running a twenty minute mile or a thirteen minute mile, me and my body are beating the odds. It may last another week. It may last the rest of my life. But regardless of the outcome of my running life, or even this race Saturday, I have conquered.

Finding Balance

I asked readers on my Facebook blog page recently what types of topics they would like to see discussed here on Thoughts and Ramblings. One reader mentioned that she would like to see a blog entry regarding maintaining balance in our lives. This suggestion comes at a time when I need to be more attentive to that than usual, so I figured it is a good topic for today.

I do believe I may have written about balance in this blog before, but I think it was a while ago and to be honest, I don’t have the patience to hunt through four years of blog entries to track it down. I also think that over the past several years, my writing, while not perfect, have improved dramatically so I am going to give you a 2014 perspective on the issue.

To start with, this topic has been on my mind a lot lately because of my own life and just as importantly, the lives of people around me. I spend WAY too much time contemplating various things I see go on around me and one issue in particular has been how busy everybody seems to be these days. Busy is not necessarily bad. Busy is good. However for me, there needs to be balance of business and stillness.

I listen to many of my friends and family members talk about how they are occupied every single weekend with all sorts of events, with barely enough time to get in a meal without holding it in one hand, while driving with the other. Kids are shuffled from one sports meet to another, then to girl scouts, then to dance class, then to this, and then to that. Now granted, I don’t have young children, but as a kid, I never was that busy! Sure, I was involved in band, sports (believe it or not!), and Girl Scouts…but never all at the same exact time. I always had downtime to play outside with my friends or to sit around and read my favorite books.

And it’s not just our kids who are kept at a frantic pace. Oh no. We, ourselves, are as well. It seems that a lot of us must constantly be “doing”, rather than “being”. Sure, I know how frantic life can be, but the real question I would ask is, does it always have to be? OK yes, there is work, household chores, children/aging parent/pets to care for, and meals to cook. But what about after that? What gets added to all that, which in turn may jack up our stress levels? Is it because we are afraid to say no when requests are made of us? Is it because we are trying to provide our children with as many opportunities as possible? I would urge you to then ask: is this really necessary? Is it healthy for me and my family? When I think back to my own childhood or listen to what my stepchildren say about growing up with my husband, what I take most from that is not the memories of being here or there, but rather the time that was spent together as a family.

Finding balance in our lives, however, goes well beyond the physical aspect of what we do on a daily basis. It is also mental. It is about managing our stress and what we allow to move in and take up space in our heads. It is about what we deem important and worthwhile. What it is that is worth spending our energy on.

Several years ago when I was dating my husband and in the throes of my autoimmune illness, it became apparent to me that we were spending too much time in our conversations discussing my illness: my symptoms, how I was feeling that day, my thoughts about my treatments, you name it. He never complained about it, but it bothered me. We are never at a loss for topics to discuss and I wanted our conversations to be about more than my physical well-being.

One day we went to a Sjögren’s syndrome support group in Boston. It was our first one and the plan was to do some sightseeing in the city afterwards. I came up with a plan that we could talk about all that went on in the support group for about a half hour and then that was it. No more talk the rest of the day in Boston regarding anything to do with Sjögren’s, the support group, my health, NOTHING! I will admit, it was a bit hard at first because a lot of the time I “think out loud” with my husband. But, we were pretty successful that afternoon and it was such a freeing experience.

Something similar has happened recently. Our church, where we met, is going through a very difficult transition with our minister leaving. My husband, as the head deacon, has incurred a significant increase in responsibility because of this. When he’s home from work lately, he’s not really home. He’s on the phone, on his e-mail, or working on something church related. Meanwhile, I have taken over the church’s Facebook page, something I have taken very seriously, because I feel that this is a critical time to bring people together through social media.So for us, our home life is not balanced in a way that we are used to. As a result of all this and of us trying to support and help each other, I would say that in the past few weeks, 50-75% of our conversations have had to do with our church. And while it is so very important to both of this and is a temporary situation, that is not a balanced way of life.

So today, I remembered about what we did a few years ago in Boston. I looked at him and told him that we needed a church-free afternoon. So we took off for a few hours and did our best to avoid all topics church-related. Not because it annoys either one of us, but because we wanted to enjoy each other and not worry about the rest of the world. It was the healthy thing to do I honestly think it is one of the things we do that keeps our relationship strong.

For me, balance is about doing those things that reduce my stress. I think I have gotten much better at it, although that has not always been the case. I have gotten better at it because I was forced to by dealing with Sjögren’s syndrome. I have to rest. There are no two ways about it. That being said, I do sometimes push myself harder than maybe I should, but the reasons have to be pretty convincing.I have learned to say “no” and to not spend my energy on situations, or people, that knock my mental and emotional balance out of order.

I have a list of things in my head that are critical for me to do on a regular basis outside the norm of every day living (i.e. eating, showering, etc.). Those things are: writing, playing with my dog, running, and reading. If I do not do all those things on a weekly basis (OK, the dog thing needs to happen on a daily basis!), then I know I am out of balance and need to change something, Those are my creative and stress-reducing outlets and if I am too busy to fit them in, then….I AM JUST TOO BUSY! I know that my health will suffer and then I am in serious trouble. Now obviously, the amount of time I spend on each varies from week to week or day to day, but when I am doing them all every week at some point, I am more balanced. I am more centered,

I don’t pretend to have all the answer regarding living a balanced lie, so I am curious as to what your thoughts are on the matter and what works for you.

Meanwhile remember to breathe…..slow down….be in your moment.

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