Category: weddings (Page 1 of 2)

Giving From the Heart

August 10, 2014 / Christine Molloy / 1 Comment

This may be a surprise to some, and not a surprise to others.

I never wanted a second wedding.

See, I never planned on marrying again, having been too tainted by nine long years in my first marriage. But you know what they say about best laid plans and all.

I met my current husband early in 2010, became friends with him during that summer, had my first date with him Labor Day weekend 2010, and then we became almost inseparable. And life as I new it changed forever.

When he proposed Christmas Eve 2011, I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life with him and I wanted to be husband and wife. I was, however, not thrilled about the prospect of planning a wedding. I was fine with scheduling a date with our minister, his wife, my stepchildren, my parents, and my brother.

Simple.
Easy.
Stress-free.

I wasn’t opposed to the idea of celebrating with our friends and family, but I was spending a lot of time, and I mean A LOT, dealing with various health complications from Sjögren’s syndrome and I had done the whole wedding thing before. I KNEW how tough it could get and I didn’t have the physical stamina or the desire to go through that again.

My husband had other ideas however and to him, the bigger the better. And I wanted him to have that; I just didn’t want to deal with all the planning that came with it. It took us months of discussion to negotiate this and to date, it is one of the two biggest negotiations that we have had to deal with as a couple, because we were on such different sides of the fence on this issue. We came up with a plan to hold a ceremony on one day and a casual BBQ reception two weeks later, with a honeymoon several months after that. Splitting it all up would be easier for me physically. My husband agreed to take a lot of responsibility for the planning and so I agreed. We were having a wedding.

Our ceremony was being held at out church and we expected about 70+ people to attend that. I was really on the fence about what to do about a dress. My husband really wanted to war a tux and honestly, I really wanted to see him in one so I figured I needed some type of dress. I am not a big fan of dresses. At first I was going to go with something casual, almost like a sundress, but after a few days of looking at different ones, I decided that I wanted something more appropriate for the occasion, especially with my husband being in a formal tux. I was only going to wear the wedding dress for the ceremony, as I would be wearing a casual summer dress for the BBQ reception. That meant that I didn’t want to spend a fortune on it. My bigger problem with the whole dress thing was this:

I couldn’t stand the look of most wedding gowns on the market.

All the dresses just looked so ridiculous to me…too much poof…too many sequins…too much EVERYTHING! I looked around at several bridal shops and scoured magazines and websites looking for something that screamed, “CHRISTINE”. I wanted to look beautiful, both for myself and for my new husband, but I wanted to feel like myself in the dress. I was thinking a vintage look was more my speed, but these dresses were so difficult to find without paying the equivalent of a down payment on a house. Frustration set in and four months before my wedding, I still did not have a dress.

And then all of a sudden, it happened. When I went back to one of the discount bridal stores, I found the dress. I know, so cliche. I saw it just sitting there on the rack amongst all the poof, the sequins, and the ridiculousness. I looked at it up and down, side to side. It was so beautiful and so unique, exactly what i could envision myself wearing with its vintage look. I was a bit concerned about how it would look on. It was an A-line design, which typically looks better on my apple-shaped figure than some other styles, but it also had a halter neckline and I so didn’t see myself going there.

But, I did. And the second it was on, it was like magic. My mom was with me and I could see by the look in her eyes that this dress was the one. The seamstress worked with me in making some alterations so I would not feel so self-conscious in a halter top neckline and then all of a sudden, I looked in a mirror and saw myself the way I wanted my husband to see me on our wedding day.

Photo courtesy of Susan Shea-Bressette

Our wedding day(s) came and went. As it got closer, I knew that having this wedding was the right thing not only for my husband, but for myself as well. He knew that right from the beginning, but I was too afraid in the beginning to see that planning a wedding didn’t HAVE to be stressful; that by planning a joyous occasion together, we could plan a truly happy occasion that didn’t feel like a burden.

It was honestly the best two days of my entire life and I will never forget it as long as I live.

Photo Courtesy of Susan Shea-Bressette

Once we settled into married life, I began to think about my beautiful dress. I had gotten it cleaned and it was hanging in a garment bag on the back of my office door. I thought about how much I loved it, but what a waste it was just sitting there month after month. I don’t now exactly how I originally came upon the non-profit organization Brides Across America. Maybe it was on an online wedding site, or an advertisement. Brides Across America is an organization founded by Heidi Janson in 2008. She was inspired to do something special to express gratitude for the dedicated men and women of the United Sates Armed Forces.

Brides Across America began its work with a small network that donated time and resources to head up the inaugural program. In that first year, fifty gowns were given away to military brides. They take donated wedding gowns and pass them on to a military bride in need. This can be a woman who is an active military member or is marrying someone who is. It is their mission to thank our military personnel for all that they do and sacrifice for us on a daily basis.

When I first heard about this organization, all I could think of was what a fantastic idea it was, especially at such a volatile a time when so many of our soldiers are fighting in despicable conditions, risking their lives on a daily basis, and their families often struggling just to make ends meet.

I procrastinated though and then a few weeks ago, I realized it had been over a year since we got married and there was the dress, still sitting on the hook behind my office door. A tangible reminder to me of not only a remarkable and beautiful day, but of this once-in-a-lifetime love I have been so blessed to find.

I realized that I needed to get the dress to Brides Across America if I was going to go through with donating my dress. I sent them the information about the dress and they agreed to accept it. I purchased a box at the post office and put it together on the sofa. I went downstairs to my office, unzipped the bag, and took the dress out; carrying it ever so carefully upstairs to the sofa where the box waited. I laid it out and then I cried.

I didn’t think I could do it.

My reaction caught me completely off guard. You see, even though I think of myself as an emotional person, I am also a very practical person and a minimalist at that. I don’t keep much around the house (for myself) that doesn’t have a use, if it takes up a lot of space. And here I had this dress that I would never wear again, would never pass down to someone else, and yet, I was having a difficult time parting with it.

But then I thought of the fact that it was my parents that bought the dress for me as a special gift and I thought of their generosity. I thought of what it would be like to want a wedding dress and not be able to afford it. Most importantly, I thought of how much sacrifice military families make for me every day…so that I may live free and able to pursue my dreams. It was (barely) a plus sized dress, which can be difficult to find, and a very unique one at that. This dress had something special to offer someone. This felt like something I needed to do, even if it was difficult.

So I gently folded up my dream dress and put it in the box, along with a note to the bride who might wear it and before I could second guess myself, off to the post office I went. By this point, it should be sitting safely in the offices of an organization that does so much for other people.

In the week that has passed since I mailed the gown, I have thought a lot about how difficult it was for me to donate the dress. I am not a stranger to giving. I have donated more items than I can count; items no longer wanted or needed. I have donated my time to various causes. I have donated money, sometimes in periods of my life where I had no business doing so as I was trying to support myself with a disability check and overwhelming medical bills. But in that circumstance, I would always stop and think if where I was donating my money to needed it as much, or more, than I did.

But the dress was different. The dress was about giving away more than a possession. It was about giving away a small piece of my heart and that is what made it more difficult. It is easier to give away things that have no meaning or significance to us; we actually welcome the idea of that. It is easier to volunteer our time when life is less stressful and carefree. It is harder to give our time when we are juggling so many other important aspects of our life. When stopping to listen to someone makes the rest of our day more difficult, but we do it anyways. Those times are what it is like to give from the heart.

The dress has reminded me that the true spirit of giving is giving when we would actually prefer to keep. Giving it to someone who needs it reminds me of the generosity we received from our family and friends when we needed help with wedding plans or when their gifts helped us to experience our dream honeymoon at Disneyworld. It reminds me of the people who helped me in some of my darkest days, when I couldn’t cook or shop for myself. The dress reminds me to be humble and that the greatest giving is when we give from the heart.

Thank you, wedding dress.

Looking Back And Looking Forward

December 31, 2013 / Christine Molloy / 2 Comments

I had a moment yesterday. Like one of those moments (actually, several moments) where you realize something important. I was lying on an exam table, having an abdominal ultrasound done. It wasn’t a big deal, minus the fact that the tech was specifically looking for my gallbladder and that little booger was tough to find. I go for ultrasounds every several months to check a previously suspicious growth that is attached to the gallbladder.

I first found out about this growth in November 2012 when I was hospitalized with dehydration, vomiting, and stomach pain. It ended up that the issue causing my symptoms was an esophageal motility disorder, mostly likely related to Sjögren’s. I also had severe GERD. When they did a bunch of tests to initially find out what was going on, a surgeon appeared in my hospital room telling me that by the way, they also found this thing on my gallbladder that shouldn’t be there and although gallbladder cancer is very rare, we might have to consider surgery to remove the entire gallbladder.

More tests and investigation ensued and the end result was that this “thing” had showed up on a CT scan three years prior. I don’t know if the doctor at the time read the report, but I was never told about it. Yes, you have to love our health care system. But truly, it was good news because by comparing the scans, it was obvious that the growth did not change at all in size or shape during those three years. That made it highly unlikely that this was a cancer of any sorts because to be frank, I would probably be dead. After months of discussion and more scans, it was decided that this was likely something I was born with and since I had no specific gallbladder symptoms, we would just monitor the growth.

At this point, I feel that the continued scans are a bit overkill, but I respect this particular specialist and trust his judgment. I have to tell you though, it was a horrible time for me. I was dealing with the symptoms at hand and this gallbladder scare on top of it. My mother-in-law was very sick at the time and honestly, I don’t even know how my husband and I got through it all.

This brings me back to the exam table yesterday. The tech made a comment about how much easier it was for her because I was good at taking very deep breaths. She jokingly said that I must have a lot of experience doing so.

True enough.

Then this realization hit me. I have had significantly fewer medical appointments over the past few months and the impact of that has been huge. Overall, I am much calmer about my health issues. My last big crisis was over the summer with bladder issues, but things have been quieter since September. I am very well aware of the fact that this is when I started prednisone again, but I don’t think the reason is that important. Although I continue to struggle every day with different Sjögren’s related issues that significantly impact my life, I am not in crisis mode. Looking back over the past several years, there have been weeks and months where crisis mode has been the norm around here. I do not exaggerate when I say that I have had weeks that have included anywhere from seven-twelve medical appointments in one week. How do we live like that? How do we get through each of those dramatic and tedious weeks to the other side? One step and one day at a time.

So as my day continued yesterday and through this morning, I reflected on all of this. Sjögren’s is so unpredictable. I could write this today and be in the hospital by the weekend with some unsuspecting complication. But, I have gotten better about not worrying when the next medical crisis will hit and rather, I have tried to fully live the day I have in front of me.

Taking one day at a time has served me well this year. To say that 2013 was a big year for me would be an understatement. I got married (with a two day wedding!), traveled to Disney for our honeymoon, conquered my fear of heights with parasailing, ran a very successful Kickstarter campaign, and published my first book. I reevaluated a lot of my relationships. I made new friends and lost some friends as well. I have learned a lot about myself and about other people. I have rejoiced. I have mourned.

That’s a lot. And I did some of this in between medical crises, and sometimes even during them. I think that is why I no longer make New Year’s resolutions: my life is a constant resolution. To be healthier, stronger, more relaxed, more patient, and more tolerant. I consistently work on finding ways to be a better and stronger person. Sometimes it means learning how to say no. Sometimes it means saying yes. This year in particular, it has meant setting boundaries with other people and learning that no matter who it is (i.e. not just my partner), we all deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and love. Becoming a stronger person this year has meant that I have learned to respect where someone else is at, to forgive, and to truly move on. Most importantly, I have continued to just be myself and not worry about what people think of that.

So while I am I am excited to see what the journey of 2014 is going to look like, I will miss 2013. I am grateful for all the beautiful moments and the growth that I have experienced. However I must say that part of me is looking forward to not having so many big events and instead, just savoring the little pleasures and joys of each day.

One day at a time.

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Do you make New Year’s resolutions and have you made any for 2014?

What Does It Mean To Love Someone?

December 9, 2013 / Christine Molloy / 0 Comments

I have had the topic of love on the brain lately. And by love I don’t mean just the romantic kind, but rather, the love that exists between two human beings, no matter what the relationship is. I was married six months ago, I went to a family wedding recently, I have ended several relationships in the past year for one reason or another, and I have this crazy dog that is getting older whom I love more than just about anything else in this world. My capacity to love is great and my ability to receive love is even greater.

We are so reckless with the term “love” sometimes. The words come tumbling out of our mouths, sometimes without a second thought. Maybe I am a bit of a skeptic on this topic, but to me, there is no such thing as love at first sight. I can hear the readers gasp as they read this, as I have made no secret about my overwhelming and whirlwind courtship with my husband. My attraction to him was immediate, but I did not “fall in love with him” at first sight. That was more of a chemical pheromone reaction. I fell in love with him when he talked to me on our first date about the impact that his sister’s Multiple Sclerosis has had on him. I fell in love with him when he talked about his two children and what it was like to raise them. I fell in love with him when, seeing how exhausted I was one evening, he went to find the leash and took my dog out for me before he left my apartment for the night.

I have had people tell me they love me at times and it has made me scratch my head: a new friend who tells me she loves me as she is verbalizing, in detail, all the ways in which I have failed as a friend. There is a fine line between open communication and honesty, and someone who is holding your hand to the fire while they are saying things supposedly for your own good. I have received e-mails that start with “I love you but….” while they continue to describe the ways that I have been wrong. I have also done the same; believing that by reminding a person that I love them, it will somehow lessen the blow of my honesty. I have had people tell me they love me while looking me directly in the eye and tell me lie after lie. These events are not exclusive to me; they happen to us all and as human beings, we are capable of doing them to other people.

While thinking about what it means to love, it has raised the question for me if we always understand what love is about. We, as a society, are so frivolous with the word, love, itself. We love this person and that person, oftentimes before we even develop a true relationship with them. We say we love someone based on their gregarious personality, or their compassion for other people, or maybe even because we are obligated to, because they are related to us.

But what is love really about? I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but I know what it is not:

It does not envy.

It does not boast.

It is not self-seeking.

It is not proud.

It does not dishonor others.

Thank you Corinthians 13…

I know love is much more complicated than that. But we all have to start somewhere. Corinthians 13 also says that “love never fails.” But is this true? We hear it said at so many weddings nowadays, but yet half of all marriages end in divorce. Does that mean that we never really loved in the first place or is it possible for love to fail? Or maybe it is more accurate to say that we, as people, failed?

I heard it said recently that love is a verb and not a noun. I understand the point the speaker was trying to make: that love is an action. But, I disagree that it is not a noun. Yes, love is an action or a verb. We love someone. We show love to someone. We do acts of love. But to me, it is also a noun. Love is this THING that is so much greater than ourselves. It is a spiritual force that drives us to do things that we may not normally do, or even want to do. Love compels us to accept those in our lives, despite their faults. Love compels us to forgive. Love is the presence in our homes, churches, schools and such that make our souls sing…

It is patient.

It is kind.

It always protects,
always trusts,
always perseveres,
and always hopes.

That is love.

Our Wedding Vows

September 12, 2013 / Christine Molloy / 0 Comments

During my fall cleaning this week I came across our wedding vows. I thought it was quite appropriate since we are leaving in thirteen days for our honeymoon. Looking at each of our vows on paper is interesting because it reflects each of our personalities, especially in the length. It was also interesting because I think I didn’t take all that much longer to recite my vows because I talked so much faster!Enjoy.

Chuck’s Wedding Vows:

Christine, you are the one for whom I waited and I take you as my wife today, my lifelong friend, love, and partner.

I promise to support you in all that you do, to encourage you, and to try and inspire you.

I promise to care for you when you need it and to let you take care of me when I’m in need.

I promise to try to make you laugh, and try harder not to make you cry.

I promise to always listen to your questions and concerns, and to try really hard to respond to them in a timely fashion.

I promise to always appreciate how lucky I am, to love you, and to show that love to you each and every day, in the winter as well as the summer, and on rainy days as well as sunny ones, forever.

All I have, all that I am, all that I will be, is yours.

Chris’s Wedding Vows

Love by Roy Croft
I love you not only for what you are but for what I am when I am with you.
I love you not only for what you have made of yourself but for what you are making of me.
I love you for the part of me that you bring out.
I love you for putting your hand into my heaped-up heart
And passing over all the foolish, weak things that you can’t help dimly seeing there
And for drawing out into the light all the beautiful belongings that no one else had looked quite far enough to find.
I love you because you are helping me to make of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern, but a temple.
Out of the works of my every day
Not a reproach, but a song.
I love you because you have done more than any creed could have done to make me good
And more than any fate could have done to make me happy.
You have done it without a touch, without a word, without a sign.
You have done it by being yourself.

So I Christine, take you Chuck, to be my husband. For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health. On this day I promise to be faithful and true to you and only you.

I promise to step outside of myself in order to meet your needs and our needs as a couple.

I also promise to never interrupt or start a conversation during a Celtics play-off game. But only the play off games.

I promise you that I will never take our love for granted.

I promise, from this day forward, to never ever complain about you messing up my bed pillows at night, when all you want to do is be close to me.

I promise that whenever necessary, I will put your children’s needs before my own.

I promise to treat your children and their sisters with the same amount of caring and respect that you treat them with.

I promise to trust you implicitly and without reservation.

I promise to always be your best friend. The person you can count on to confide in and to lift you up when you are down. I will be the gentle hand in the middle of the night and your port in every storm. I promise to do my best to make the rest of our lives together full of joy and laughter. I will always honor our marriage and I will love you all the days of my life.

Our Wedding Ceremony

May 24, 2013 / Christine Molloy / 12 Comments

“I promise to always be your best friend. The person you can count on to confide in and to lift you up when you are down. I will be the gentle hand in the middle of the night and your port in every storm. I promise to do my best to make the rest of our lives together full of joy and laughter. I will always honor our marriage and I will love you all the days of my life.” ~ Me

May 18, 2013

Until that day, I never believed that there was such a thing as a perfect day. I wasn’t looking for perfection. At some points in the seventeen months preceding that day, I was just looking to make it to the day in one piece.

Until that day, I never believed it was possible to live so fully in the moment that my mind could be free of any other thoughts.

Until that day, I never quite fully understood the magnitude of the love that surrounds my husband and I.

May 18, 2013 was our wedding day. For those of you who know me or follow my blog on a regular basis, you know that it was no small feat to get to this day. 2012-early 2013 plagued my husband Chuck and I with crisis after crisis; from me being almost paralyzed and then developing life threatening blood clots in my lungs to the illness and death of Chuck’s mother. There was also a lot of other bad stuff in between. Yet despite those events, we continued to plan our wedding day. We felt it was important to celebrate our love with those in our lives. We had made a decision to split up the ceremony and reception into two separate events to make it more manageable with my autoimmune illness. The reception is still to come on June 1st.

I have always been a big believer in the fact that it is the marriage, and not the wedding itself, that is the priority. Keeping that attitude in mind, I approached May 18th with a fierce determination to not allow myself, or us as a couple, to lose sight of the significance of what we were doing. And like all weddings, there were issues. Due to ending a friendship, I lost a bridesmaid two months before the wedding. There was a phone call less than 72 hours before the wedding that none of the flowers I had picked out for the groom and groomsmen were available. People I was expecting and hoping would attend were either unable to attend for various reasons or made a choice not to attend. But when I woke up that morning at 5:30am, none of it mattered. What did matter was that by 1:45pm, this man whom I love with every fiber of my being, was going to be my husband.

I will admit, the day before was tough on me physically. Everything went very well; we got the church parish hall dining room set up like we wanted for the dessert and coffee hour we were having after the ceremony and the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner went off without a hitch. But the day was a busy one and we were both exhausted. Chuck spent that night at a hotel because he knew it was important to me that we not see each other before the ceremony the next morning. My friend Nicole, who was a bridesmaid, stayed overnight with me but unfortunately I was too exhausted when we got home at 9pm from the rehearsal dinner to even be social. Sorry Nicole!

The next morning found me spending three hours at a salon with Nicole and my maid-of-honor, Chuck’s daughter Stephanie. It was a beautiful day out. 73 degrees and sunny with a slight breeze. I was a bit nervous, probably more from anticipation than anything else. I truly enjoyed this time at the salon with them and their excitement was evident. They were amazing as they ensured that every single detail was attended to and I honestly felt that if something bad went down, it would be handled. By the time we got to the church, ten minutes before the start of the ceremony, my nervousness had dissipated and I was excited to see Chuck.

I was having a small issue with my dress and we changed our plans and got to the church earlier than planned. Because it was not yet 1pm, we went to the parish hall to recheck my dress issue and wait. Our parish hall is across the parking lot from the church and I was standing in a room looking out the window to the church and parking lot. It was such a surreal experience to watch our guests come in. Everyone looked so happy. I mean, seriously happy. I stood there and wondered – how did I get so blessed?

Chuck and I had put in a lot of thought and effort into the ceremony itself. We wanted it to be personal and we wanted it to convey our love to those in attendance. The ceremony started off by Nicole and Stephanie going down the aisle, escorted by my brother Dennis and one of our friends, Lou. The song was Can You Feel The Love Tonight? by Elton John. Then came a moment we had kept secret from as many people as possible. Chuck played and sang Marry Me by Train as I came down the aisle. It was such a beautiful moment. The guitar chords can be a bit tricky and I know he had been working on the song for months. He did such a great job and I honestly don’t know how either one of us got through the song. It was amazing to see the faces of our loved ones as I walked down the aisle. It was amazing to see my stoic dad with tears in his eyes.

Smiles.
Tears.
Joy.

Since the ceremony, I have had several people mention one word to me and that is: radiant. People thought I looked radiant. The thing is, I felt radiant. At the risk of sounding arrogant I am going to mention that although we only have a small portion of our photos back, there is not a bad photo of me because so far, there is not one where I am not smiling. I just felt so content, so blessed, and so at peace. Funny how true love can do that.

We began to progress through our ceremony. We each had written our own vows. We had asked a couple that we are good friends with, and who have been married for 39 years, to speak about marriage during the ceremony. Our friend, Tom, sang You Raise Me Up during communion. Communion is not an event that many people in our faith incorporate into their wedding ceremony but it was important to us. We elected to present communion to our guests ourselves so I held the (gluten-free!) bread and Chuck held the wine (aka grape juice). Although I had cried before this point while I was saying my vows, it was communion that almost did me in. One of the first people to come up was my Auntie Helen and she was bawling. I could feel her love for us through her tears. And getting to see everyone as they came to the communion table was overwhelming because of the genuine joy and love on their faces.

The ceremony finished up and we exited the church to the sounds of our friend Dan playing We Are Family on the piano. We rang the church bell on the way out. A receiving line followed and then down to the parish hall dining room to spend time with our loved ones. It was wonderful to be able to see family and friends that I had not seen in a while. We got home around 4pm and immediately finished packing to go away for a few days. Our Disney honeymoon isn’t until September but we wanted to get away and decompress for a few days. That blog will be in the near future hopefully!

If I could sum up the entire day in one sentence I would say this: it was the best day of my entire life. Shocking considering that initially, I really wanted to elope! And I have had some amazing days: the day I graduated from nursing school, the day that Chuck proposed, the day that I found out I was cancer-free, and even the day I was married the first time. But right now May 18th is the best day. The main reason is because of the fact that the day represents that I found and have been blessed with this great love. The man that I feel privileged to spend the rest of my life with. On that day we outwardly got to celebrate our love and the union of our two lives and of our families. The day represented our willingness to work through difficult times and issues in order to commit ourselves, before God, to each other.

It was the best day because of the people who surrounded us and the wedding represented all of the support we have received both individually and as a couple from family, our church family, and our friends. I have so many snapshots in my memory bank of people. I have often told Chuck that when I am in a bad situation with my health and I am feeling down and sick, I often play back positive images in my head of good times we have had together and it helps to relax me and helps me to refocus my energy. Typically it is a memory of Chuck and I on the beach in Maine or some other happy time where I felt loved and safe.

The people in our lives have given me a new image.
The one from our wedding ceremony.
The one where I see their faces and feel their love.
The one where I hear words of joy and sounds of laughter.
The one where I feel an abundance of love, hope, joy, and peace.

I am grateful for this incredible day that we had together. I am grateful for every moment that I chose to not give up on true love. Most importantly, I am grateful for my husband and the beginning of the next chapter of our lives together.