For Everything There is a Season

"In order to write about life, first you must live it." ~ Ernest Hemingway

Page 25 of 43

Reclaiming My Voice

November 5, 2012 / / 6 Comments

 
“Music exalts each joy, allays each grief, expels diseases, softens every pain, subdues the rage of poison, and the plague.” ~ John Armstrong
 
 

Grief is a sneaky invader; creeping up on you when you least expect it sometimes. Maybe it makes its guest appearance after a random conversation or during those still hours when the house is quiet. Sometimes grief is over the loved one we have lost. Sometimes grief comes in the form of losing something that we were once capable of doing.

My invader made a visit last Thursday. I wasn’t prepared for it but then again, are we ever really prepared?

I understood the circumstances of why I was feeling particularly sad last Thursday. I had been spending some time last week with a friend of ours at doctor’s appointments. He had asked me to be, as a nurse and as a friend, a second set of ears in preparation for a major upcoming surgery he was having this week. A surgery he was going through without his wife, who suddenly passed away at such a young age; almost two years ago.

His wife, my friend.

Of course I have thought about my friend in these past two years, but it has been a long time since I have mourned her. I had gone through my grieving process and I had chosen to remember her with fond memories and joy. However last week made me stop and think about how very unfair life can be sometimes. It didn’t seem right that he couldn’t have her there with him by his side. What a loss this world experienced when she left us. The grief felt palpable once again.

Once I came home from the second day of doctor’s visits, the house was quiet when the grief hit me and I decided that maybe the best way to deal with it would be to go on my computer and browse through some photos and videos of my friend. Remember her with laughter. Like the photos she took of me eating soggy grilled asparagus. It looked like I was eating worms. Don’t ask! I eventually ended up scanning YouTube for videos as our church posts its services and choir performances videos on there.

Choir.
A tough place for me to be lately. Actually, I haven’t been there as much.

My friend was in the choir and she was the one responsible for getting me involved in our church choir. Singing for God has been one of my steadfast passions until recently. I say recently because not being able to sing for the past few months, due to struggles with my autoimmune illness, has been a loss for me. Sometimes the difficulty has been with my lungs, fatigue, the dryness of my vocal cords, or issues with reflux affecting my throat. The fact that this has happened to other Sjogren’s patients has just discouraged me all the more. A lot of the time, I truly cannot physically sing and sometimes it is just energy that I cannot afford to spend that particular day or week. Although I have to be honest, I do wonder if occasionally I am just so exhausted and discouraged, that it is just easier to sit it out. Don’t tell anyone though because most of the time, people don’t understand that part of having a chronic illness unless they have experienced it themselves.

As I was looking through these church videos, I came across a YouTube video of my fiance and I singing the song “Mary Did You Know?” at our church Christmas cantata last year. A cantata dedicated to my friend’s memory. A song that has become significant to me because I had to overcome respiratory issues to be able to pull off that performance. It was a good performance. And I was grief stricken again. Because when I heard my voice on that video, I felt like physically, I wasn’t in the same place as last year. Actually I know I am not. My illness has taken more from me physically this year, including at times, the quality of my voice. Is that selfish? Maybe. Because let’s face it, compared to my friend not being here, it’s not as significant. But it is still my loss.

Fast forward to Friday. I am sitting at a Women of Faith conference in Hartford, CT. An incredible event that you will probably hear more about at a later date. I am thoroughly enjoying listening to a Christian comedian. A man named Mark Lowry.

Mark Lowry.
Why does that name sound familiar?

I decide to stop torturing myself trying to place the name because this man is so funny, I don’t want to miss a word that he says. He’s that good.

What I didn’t realize, until he opens his mouth to do so, is that this man can also sing. What a voice on him! What a talent to be able to make people laugh and to be able to sing like that.

What I also didn’t realize? That this man write songs.

How do I know this? Because at the end of his performance, he sang a song that he wrote. A song that over thirty recording artists have performed since he wrote it.

The song?
“Mary Did You Know?”

Seriously? Come on.

Now you can say what you will about coincidence and such but here are the facts. I had tickets for this conference for months, but did not know that the man who wrote the lyrics to this song was going to be there. I had not watched the video of that Christmas cantata in at least eight or so months. I also did not know about my friend’s surgery until last week.

So I don’t believe this was all coincidence. I am typically not a person who makes radical proclamations and I certainly do not typically write about them publicly online; although maybe I will more often now.

I believe this was God speaking to me.
I believe this was my friend speaking to me.

I believe they were telling me that as long as I am not harming myself, to keep singing as best as I can, when I can, but to push a little harder.

I believe they were telling me to stop comparing myself to other people. To get back to my speech therapy exercises, to do some research online, to stop reading about what other Sjogren’s patients can and cannot do for a while.

And finally, I believe they were telling me to believe a little less in my illness and a little more in myself.


































































































Photo Courtesy of Google Images

Another Stumble, Another Step

October 21, 2012 / / 6 Comments

I love to write.
In case that wasn’t obvious.

I had the opportunity yesterday to attend a writer’s conference called WriteAngles at Mount Holyoke College in Massachusetts. It was my second time at the conference and I was not disappointed. It is such a high for me to be surrounded by so many writers and readers. I love the energy. I love the opportunity to learn. I love the fact that I get to step outside of the isolation that I sometimes experience as a writer and instead be able to engage with those who share my passion. 

I had a lot of physical challenges facing me going into the conference this year which is partly why I have not been blogging as frequently. My Sjogren’s symptoms kicked into high gear a few weeks ago and this resulted in a significant increase in doctor’s appointments and major changes in medications; not to mention feeling like hell due to pain, fatigue, and issues with my eyes. It has probably been one of the worst flare ups I have experienced in my illness since its onset four years ago.

This wasn’t just an opportunity to attend a writer’s conference though. I also had a ten minute, one on one meeting scheduled with a literary agent at this event yesterday. It was an opportunity I had known about back in December of last year when I started writing my book Tales From The Dry Side: The Personal Stories Behind The Autoimmune Illness Sjogren’s Syndrome. I made sure that I signed up for the conference the day registration opened up in order to ensure one of those coveted agent meeting slots. I spent weeks learning how to write a good query letter. I researched how to do a book proposal in case one was required for my particular book. While sitting in doctor’s waiting rooms over the past few weeks, I would be emailing back and forth with other story contributors for the book in order to get the manuscript complete.

Now I had never been to one of these meeting before, but the impression I got from the person coordinating the meetings and from doing a bit of research online, it seemed like the purpose was to review your query letter, discuss your book and have the opportunity to ask questions. I was not expecting to walk out of that meeting with a literary agent. Not because I don’t have confidence in this book. I do. But because I knew that it was my first time at the rodeo so to speak. This was more of an opportunity to introduce my work and if I was really lucky, maybe spark the agent’s interest. I was expecting to get some valuable feedback about my book and learn something to help me figure out the next step in getting this very important book to the next level.

By the grace of God, my symptoms started to settle down forty-eight hours before the conference. The day before the conference I was by no means back to the physical state I was in a month ago, but I was definitely able to get myself to Mount Holyoke College, which is twenty minutes from my home. I thought I could manage going eight hours without pain medication and then hopefully be able to focus, function, and act intelligently for eight full hours; without a nap or rest period. I would probably require at least several days to recover from the experience. My medical needs had increased over the past two weeks and I meticulously planned my medications, eye drops, inhalers, and water needs (due to extreme dryness from Sjogren’s) around the conference schedule. My writing bag was packed, accompanied by my medical supplements. I had researched my agent. I knew what I was going to say.

I was ready.
I was excited.
Game on.

Thirteen hours before I am to leave my house, it is seven o’clock in the evening and the phone rings. I see the caller ID and the name of the person coordinating the agent meetings flashes at me from the phone, daring for me to answer. I knew. I just knew. I get through the conversation, barely.

The agent I was supposed to meet with was sick and all of his meetings had been cancelled.

Some people would stop reading here and say OK, so what? It was just a ten minute meeting. Send the query letter to another agent. Or maybe he will read the letters at another time and then get in touch with you when he is feeling better. But in those moments following the motion of hanging up the phone, all I could feel was profound disappointment. All I could think of were the hours I had spent in bed, while so sick, writing this book. The obstacles I had overcome to even be able to get to this point with the book. The disappointment I felt over not having the experience of meeting with an agent.

And within minutes, the negative thoughts were gone.

He was sick.
I know about sick.
I know about not having control. This was out of my control. What was in my control was how I was going to handle it.

I changed my mindset. This agent, on this day, was obviously not the path for me or this book right now. I decided to keep faith and move forward. I was still able to go to the conference. I was still going to be able to meet and enjoy the company of other authors and learn more about my craft. I was going to have the opportunity to immerse myself in the literary world that I have come to love so much.

And so that is what I did. I met new people. I learned new things.The speakers were tremendous. I was especially touched by the keynote speakers Maria Luisa Arroyo and Ann Hood. Both of their stories touched me in a way that few ever have. Both made me cry. In both of them, I saw what it was like to have the soul of a writer and how a writer can effectively use their life experiences to make a dramatic impact on the lives of others.

I am sitting in the second morning panel session called Going Beyond the Personal in the Personal Memoir. It is 11:53. I know this because a woman comes into the conference room with a clipboard. She announces that she is looking for the following three people who will, due to a variety of reasons, unexpectedly have an agent’s meeting after all on that day. They are to go upstairs at noon. I sit there and remind myself that there had to be at least ten plus people who had their original meetings cancelled. It will not be me.

She speaks.
I am name number three.

The chain of events that followed after that felt frantic to me. I am not the most spontaneous person in the world. I did not know which agent I was meeting with and she had not had the opportunity to even read my query letter until I sat down in front of her. I remember telling myself to breathe and relax so I could make the most of the experience.

It was a much bigger experience than I imagined. She thought the query was really good and that a publisher would pick up the book. What? My book? We discussed what the next steps would be. Then she is telling me to submit the query letter to her at the agency with a book proposal. Excuse me? I am the one who came here with a cancelled agent’s meeting and now you are requesting a book proposal?

THIS was how it was supposed to unfold.

I don’t know what is going to happen. I may submit the proposal and it will be rejected. I may submit it and it will be accepted. What I do know with absolute certainty is that no matter what, my book and I will travel our path together until we have reached our destination; wherever that may be.



















































































Photo Courtesy of Google Images

Peace Be With You

October 7, 2012 / / 4 Comments

“Peace is not something you wish for, it is something you make, something you are, something you do, and something you give away. ” ~ Robert Fulghum

On the first Sunday of the month, which is Communion Sunday, we pass the peace in my church. This is a common practice in many Christian churches although the way it takes places can differ from church to church and denomination to denomination. When I was growing up in the Catholic church, this was a process in which we would turn to the people to the sides of us, behind us and in front of us and say “peace be with you” and shake their hand. If the person was family, maybe we would hug or kiss them as well.

In my current Protestant church, the passing of the peace is a more gregarious affair. Depending on how familiar we are with the person, we either shake their hand or hug them. There is a lot more hugging, or rather embracing, than hand shaking compared to most other churches; at least ones that I have attended. We either say “peace”, “peace be with you”, “hi, how are you”, or whatever else feels appropriate. People rarely stay in their pews and they wander all over the place. It is truly an exchange of peace and good will in a Christian community of people. It is one of my favorite times of the month at my church.

Today I was passing the peace to a family my fiance and I have been spending some time with lately outside of Sunday service. The family consists of a grandmother and her four grandchildren. As I let go of the oldest child’s hand after wishing him peace, he said to me, “Chris, what does peace mean?”

Leave it to a ten year old to throw me off balance.
Such a simple, yet profound question.

Of course, this entire passing of the peace at church takes all of about five to ten minutes so I didn’t have time, at that moment, to sit down and discuss it with him but I simply said that peace meant calmness. It was really all I could think of as a response at that moment. I am not sure if he understood exactly what my response meant in the midst of of the flurry of peace passing activity, but that is a conversation that we can have more in depth at another time.

It got me to thinking though. Don’t we all know what peace is or the meaning of the word peace? I mean seriously, isn’t it obvious? If you look in any commonly used dictionary, you will see several different definitions for the word peace. You know what I think though? I think that most of the time, peace means something different for each of us. I think the paths we take to get to that state of peace is also different for each of us.

To that ten year old child, peace may mean having the comfort and security of a grandmother who tucks him in at night and loves him unconditionally. Peace for him may mean knowing who the adults are in his life that he can count on. Maybe it means to him knowing that as he grows older, he has a church community that is a home to him no matter what obstacles life hurls at him.

For me, peace means many things and takes on several different forms. It is a state of mind, of spirit, and of soul. Peace is when my spirit is full or when my mind is calm. The best is when both happen at the same time. A difficult thing for me, or anyone for that matter, to achieve these days. Peace is also when my body, soul and spirit are at peace with whatever havoc may be going on physically with my body at any given moment. A very difficult task to accomplish indeed.

Many people say that peace is being in harmony with other people. To me, that is not always the case because I have come to find that I have no control over other people, how they think about me, and especially what they do. So my peace, or harmony, comes from realizing this and also in realizing that the only person I have any control over is myself. Therefore when I think and act in a way that is true to myself, I am at peace.

I am at peace when I am able to pull myself out of the stress and anxiety of the misfortunes that life may throw at me and am instead able to appreciate what are considered the small things in life such as the feeling of my dog’s breathing as she sleeps quietly with her head on my chest. Or maybe the serenity of being in my house on a fall afternoon when the sun streams through the large glass windows and the loudest sound I hear is the birds playing outside on the deck.

I find peace with myself when I am able to not be preoccupied with the “what ifs” and the” I can’t” thoughts that often invade my brain. When I am able to put the negative thoughts away and instead replace them with positive thoughts and the thought that the only limitations I have are those that I put upon myself.

Peace with myself is when I accept myself as I am right now, right at this moment.

Just as importantly, peace is something that we can give to someone else. It can be simple and cost us nothing. When we extend ourselves and our love to another human being in an act of giving or generosity, we give peace. It may be in the form of a meal or a phone call. A listening ear or our time. In some way, when we ease someone else’s burden, we give another person some peace of mind.

Giving peace to another person may come in the form of not judging them and accepting them for who they are in their moment. No questions. No criticisms. Just love. So that they may feel free to feel less stress and anxiety; to be at peace with where they are in their life journey.

So maybe my answer to my ten year old friend was accurate after all.

Peace IS calmness.

Of mind.
Of body.
Of soul.
Of spirit.

Where do you find YOUR peace?

Photo: Courtesy of Chuck Myers (http://myerscreativephotography.zenfolio.com/)

Medicare, Blue Cross/Blue Shield, and Me

September 21, 2012 / / 5 Comments



Found this kind of funny since I have a busted up foot and have no health insurance. Well, at least at the beginning of the story…

 

Note: This essay was written Thursday September 20,2012

My best friend, who also is disabled and struggles with her own chronic health issues, recently made a statement to me in reference to how I was feeling about unexpectedly not having health insurance. She said that for people like us, having your health insurance abruptly ripped away from you is like a person suddenly being laid off from their job. Those of us who are disabled or have chronic illnesses may depend on our health insurance every single day just like most people have to depend on having an income from a job every single day. Once that gets taken away from you unexpectedly, how do you feel?

Anxious.

Angry.

Fearful.

There is a long story to why I have lost my health insurance twice since July 2012 and when I have more energy and more answers, I will blog more about my experiences with the Social Security, Medicare and disability systems. Today, I just cannot because the system has me completely exhausted and worn done and I want this entry to focus on the miraculous thing that happened today. A thing that despite all the negative things we have to say about the health care system, the insurance companies, and the government, proves that there are good people out there who care.

The short version is this. I switched from my ex-husband’s health insurance that I was on as part of our divorce agreement to Medicare Part B July 2012 as I found out I was being dropped from his coverage. I had been eligible for Part B for quite a while but chose to stay on his as it had better coverage and was more affordable. I had notified all parties involved about my decision and took all the appropriate steps and was told that if and when I was dropped from my ex’s group coverage, I would be eligible for Medicare Part B through special enrollment which is what I did. Because of my extensive medical care needs and Sjogren’s specialists that are only located in CT (I live in MA), I also signed up for a Blue Cross Blue Shield (BCBS) PPO Medicare plan; known as a Medicare Advantage plan. This became my official insurance for everything. It cost a lot more for premiums, co pays, drugs, labs, etc. but was my best option at the time.

Social Security Adminstration (SSA) made a huge error and dropped my Part B in mid July which in turn dropped me from BCBS. To this day, nobody can explain the error. It was a fiasco. They still owe me large sums of money that they mistakenly took from my monthly SSDI checks. Errors they have admitted to but have yet to set straight. However the health insurance was put back in place after approximately two weeks and life went on.

I contacted Congressman’s John Olver’s office in western Massachusetts to assist me in getting this money back. They began to diligently work on the issue but meanwhile once again, without notice, my Medicare Part B was dropped in September without an adequate explanation except to be told there was a systems error. This of course prompted BCBS to drop me from their plan which is standard procedure, leaving me with no medical coverage at all. I had no notification except from my local CVS pharmacist who called to notify me that one of my refills did not go through because my insurance was denied and then a voice mail from SSA saying “you no longer have Part B, I don’t know why, and don’t know what to do about it.” I was unable to connect with my case worker at SSA however I was able to speak with the congressional aid at Congressman’s Olver’s office who started to follow through on the issue for me.

Meanwhile I was dealing with an exacerbation of my Sjogren’s syndrome which required an increase in medications and more lab work, an orthopedic appointment of a six month old sprained ankle that had gone bad, and an MRI. I started physical therapy for said ankle and then had to stop as I had no insurance and was worried the issue won’t get straightened out as by this point I didn’t understand what the issue was or what was going to happen next.

I have learned to handle stress very well. I have to with an autoimmune illness because stress just makes my symptoms worse. But not having health insurance puts me in sheer panic mode and I had my first panic attack in years. I became afraid to answer the phone or check the mailbox because it was always bad news that just made my situation worse and more frustrating. My days became filled with dealing with emails, phone calls, documenting every single thing said or done, working with health care providers and the pharmacy; the list goes on and on.

After several straight days of dealing with this, yesterday I heard back from the Congressman’s office who told me she got me reinstated in Medicare Part B but being the skeptic I am, I knew I would not feel sure about this until I called BCBS the next day to get reinstated with them because they would check the system and I would know for sure I was all set.

So today I called and sure enough, according to the system, I did not have Part B and could not get my BCBS back. I told the rep how I had to borrow money to pay for my medications yesterday and had to cancel appointments which was concerning since I just found out that my MRI showed a torn tendon in my right ankle. Also I had missed an important eye doctor appointment today. She promised me that she would flag my file and watch the system for my name to come through as maybe I went into the system late yesterday at SSA and might come through tomorrow morning. I knew better though. It wasn’t going to be that simple.

So I hung up and just cried. I asked God why can’t the people in charge just make this right so I can get the care I need and so I can not feel so riddled with anxiety to the point where I feel like I am on the verge of panic? Don’t they realize because of my health issues how vulnerable I am? I have utilized every resource I have. I prayed for the strength to just keep going.

And then the phone rang. I hesitated to pick it up because well, it’s always bad news lately. It was a woman named Judy from BCB. She told me that effective today I will be fully reinstated onto my BCBS plan. I told her that I had just spoken to someone from BCBS who said I wasn’t in the Medicare Part B system yet so that couldn’t be done. This woman said that yes, that is true what the previous woman said and that that same woman had then contacted her and that the priority to them is that I receive the medical care I need. And apparently she was the one that was going to make that happen.

I started to cry, a lot.
Because I had health insurance again.
Because I could get the care that I needed.
Because someone cared enough to go to the edge for me.
I was no longer just a number.
I was a human being.

She said my coverage will be retroactive to July 1st (as it should be) and she will check to make sure that none of my recent claims will be denied. She said she needs twenty-four hours to get my prescription coverage in place but to bring all my scripts, including ones I paid for out of pocket so far, to CVS and they will be covered effective tomorrow. She said to make sure I attend my physical therapy appointment tomorrow and to be assured that I now have medical insurance. She will deal with the rest. She was my angel.

This is what happens when God is listening and when you are fortunate enough to find your way to the compassionate people who work in the health insurance industry. Thank you Judy.

Addendum: I called Blue Cross/Blue Shield again today September 21st to reconfirm that I still have an active policy because well, it just seemed all a little too good to be true. And yes, I still have coverage. So today I am off to get a prescription and another much needed physical therapy session. God is good.

























































Photo Courtesy of Google Images

What I Have Come To Understand

September 10, 2012 / / 12 Comments




In the two and a half years I have been writing this blog, I don’t think I have ever written a post about a doctor’s appointment with my rheumatologist. The appointments tend to be pretty significant since the rheumatologist treats the Sjogren’s syndrome. I am sure that I have mentioned events that have happened at certain appointments, but I think that has been the extent of it. I think the reason for this is because I don’t think people will be interested or that the post may be boring. Today I realized that I may have made a mistake. Sharing information from these appointments with my rheumatologist not only may help someone else, but it also gives other people the opportunity to give me feedback about their experiences with different treatments, side effects, and complications from medications.

I have had more severe symptoms than usual lately with some new ones thrown in for fun. Therefore I have been seeing my rheumatologist, Dr. P, more often than usual. These appointments tend to be  stressful for me compared to those with other doctors. Sjogren’s syndrome, like many other autoimmune diseases, often presents with a myriad of symptoms and often it is like trying to fit together the pieces of a puzzle. Is this symptom autoimmune related? Is it a side effect from a medication? There is the unpredictability of not knowing what the next step may be in treating the illness. Then there is also the fact that Dr. P’s office is an hour away from home, she is usually running behind (I have attributed this to the fact that she does not rush through her visits), and sometimes there is lab work to be done after the visit. From the time I leave my home to the time I pull back in the driveway, I am looking at a five hour trip. Exhausting.

I have  been more frustrated than usual with her, myself, and the whole Sjogren’s situation in general. I had just recovered from the whole Guillain-Barre/blood clots in the lungs fiasco when I began to develop severe, debilitating migraines thought to possibly be autoimmune related. After struggling to find a medication at a dose I could tolerate to manage these migraines, some of my Sjogren’s symptoms decided to come out and play; most likely because I had weaned off my steroids. Severe fatigue and joint pain worse than I have had in at least a year were the highlights. In addition to that, I have been having some significant urinary issues that come and go and that has prompted some further testing; the cause thought to possibly be autoimmune or medication related.

What this has meant is that Dr. P and I have been continuously trying to figure out a course of treatment to manage my illness. A course of treatment for an illness that has no cure and really no acceptable or standard form of treatment. If you have diabetes, you change your lifestyle, check your blood sugars, and take insulin. The end result is that most of the time, your illness can be controlled. Not the case with Sjogren’s, or many other autoimmune illnesses for that matter.

And there are only so many medications to try. Appointment after appointment Dr. P and I discuss the options and what may come next in regards to medications. She keeps wanting to put me on or increase my dose of prednisone. This gets me pretty worked up to say the least. If you have spent any time reading my blog, you will understand how much I hate prednisone. Here’s the thing though: as Dr. P said today, I am between a rock and a hard place and it is a matter of choosing the lesser of all evils. I have already been on many of the other autoimmune medications such as methotrexate, Imuran, Cellcept, and Enbrel. Cellcept did help quite a bit but made me so sick that my previous doctor had no choice but to take me off of it. Enbrel helped a little but not enough to justify the chronic sinus infections it was causing me to have.

As we discussed today, there are some other options to consider such as the medications Arava and Rituximab. But they are not without their risks as well. It is hard to make decisions, I am sure for her as well as for me, about which risks to take. Do we consider Imuran again and take the risk of liver damage and other complications or continue trying the steroids at different doses and see what side effects I can live with and risk long term complications such as diabetes, cataracts, and stroke? As much as I hate the prednisone, there is no doubt, it works for most of my symptoms. The problem is that I need a lot of it and the more I take, the worse the side effects are and the higher the risk of severe long term complications.

So our plan for now is to double up my prednisone dose to 15 mg for a few days and then slowly wean it down to 10 mg rather than the 7.5 mg I am currently on. We did this about two weeks ago when the pain and swelling got bad enough to interfere with my daily functioning and it worked but once I got back to 7.5 mg for a few days, the symptoms started up again. So this time we will only wean down to 10 mg. We agreed that 10 mg is the maximum dose of prednisone that is comfortable for me long term. Well, for Dr. P anyways. 0 mg is the maximum dose I am comfortable with but the reality is that my options are getting fewer and fewer and I cannot risk further Sjogren’s complications or live in this state of health.

What I came to understand from my appointment today is that there are no easy answers. Not even easy answers, but any concrete answers.

There is no medication in this world right now that is going to fix me without making me sick in some other way. Maybe someday there will be. But not today.

I am also starting to understand that I don’t think my body is ever going to go back to the point it was at before December 2008, which is when Sjogren’s started to truly ravage my body.

This does not mean that I still cannot do what I am doing; exercising, eating healthier, reducing stress. I will keep trying to control my symptoms through diet and exercise. I will live a healthy lifestyle. I will meditate. I will work with my doctors and stick with my treatment plan. I will laugh and I will play. But I guess for now at least, I am not going to place any of my hopes on any one medication to be the answer for restoring my body to the state that it was once in. Rather, I will continue to work with the body that God has given me in this moment and in this day to live in the best possible way that I can.















































































Photo Courtesy of Google Images

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